Otays

We haven’t posted for a while. Sorry.

Wait, no, nevermind, not sorry. We were illustrating a point. We were showing what it was like to sit around on draft day, only to see the Bears trade out of the second round, and not pick at all on day one. And boy did we prove our point. That was awful!

Moving on . . . the draft was OK. We hedged our bets on receivers, picking three, hoping one will work out. We got a couple decent defensive players in the Ohio and Oregon State kids. And we got a guy who could jump out of a pool, which is supposed to be impressive, but really just looks like, well, a guy jumping out of the pool. I think I’m going to film myself on the beach (running really fast in the sand, maybe with a frisbee, or a set of those terrible paddle ball things that people only seem to play with at the beach) and put it up on YouTube. Then maybe I’ll get drafted.

I run like a 5.4 forty in the sand. That's really good, trust me.

All in all, though, I can’t find a whole lot to gripe about this offseason. The O-line is vastly improved and has a ton of depth, Kevin Jones should be a better back-up now that he’s more than a year removed from ACL surgery, and I’ve heard some good things about this “Cutler” guy. In fact, I’m feeling like this offense might be the most balanced Bears attack I’ve lived to see. Brockermeyer and I crunched some numbers, and we think this isn’t too much of a stretch:

Cutler—4,000 yds, 28 TDs, 9 INTs

Forte—1,300 yds rushing, 700 receiving, 15 TDs

Jones—600 yds rushing, 200 receiving, 5 TDs

Hester—1,000 yds receving, 200 rushing, 10 TDs

Olsen—900 yds, 7 TDs

Clark—600 yds, 3 TDs

Davis—(cut in preseason)

Bennett—500 yds, 3 TDs

Rideau/one of the three rookies—some scraps

Wolfe—scraps leftover by Rideau/rookies/Jones

So the current corps has some potential, if for no other reason than Cutler’s arm, and this offensive line’s blocking ability. Between Pace, Kruetz, Williams, and whatever hogmollies you want to throw in between them, the Bears have an offense built for December at Soldier Field. But what about the defense? I’m glad you asked.

As much as the Bears are hedging their bets at wideout, they’re just throwing everything at the wall for the safety positions. Corey Graham, a promising (some might say “better than Vasher”) young corner, has been moved to safety—a position he’s drastically undersized for. I like Corey Graham tackling Bernard Berrian; I do not like Corey Graham tackling Adrian Peterson. But what’s the alternative? (Mike Brown.) Kevin Payne, the straight-line missile who can’t tackle in the open field? (Mike Brown.) Craig Steltz, the guy who got Adam Archuleta-ed by Ryan Grant last year? (Mike Brown.) That Bullocks guy, who got run out of New Orleans, the NFL’s case study in terrible secondary play? (Mike Brown.) No. Knowing all we know of the current depth chart, I say ride (Mike Brown) Graham for the 4 games he’ll be able to physically withstand, opposite (Mike Brown) Al Afalava, the kid still finishing his senior-year classes in the Pacific Northwest. He’s fucked up the least so far.

Sorry about that last paragraph. I’ve been having these weird carpal-tunnel side effects that cause my typing fingers to sneeze out “(Mike Brown)” every so often. I’m taking meds, so hopefully it’ll be out of my system soon.

I guess safety is my only complaint though. I am harboring secret hopes and dreams that DJ Moore will be the Mugsy Bogues of the cornerback world (starting in Vasher’s place) and I am actually starting to buy into this Marinelli-as-savior propaganda. (I’m not ready in invade Poland for him yet, but if he can get six sacks out of Mark Anderson, then I’d at least take Austria.) Elsewhere, we seem to have finally found a viable replacement for Hillenmeyer , which may spell the end for H-squared’s lame-duck tenure with the Bears. And the resigning of Idonije should keep options open on the line for the foreseeable future. Things are looking up.

(Mike Brown.)